I can't belive it has been a whole year since I last came here.
Not that I have been far away, just not here.
Yes I am still clear of nico-tino..2 years and 5 months. I hardly ever think about it .
I have had so many other things on my mind. My very best friend who had a breast removed 5 years ago visited her Doc because she had awful pains in one hip. H
Long story cut short, she had a tumour on her spine. Fantastic work by a neurosurgeon in Bruge and a hell of a fight by her and she was up and walking within 3 weeks . No chemo this time but she went through a 3 week intense , every day radiation.
This plus a hormone infusion once a month. Anyone who has been through this needs an award for sheer guts. and the there are the friends and family who play it by ear everyday. Hopeless and helpless inter changing with moments of joy because they came out of the operation..heartbreak because it won't go away.
I didn't think it would make such a change to my way of thinking or feeling. I don't know anything for sure any more. I was never one for making long term plans, so that hasn't changed.
I have never been very good at acepting what I cannot change, now this time I have no choice.
No I didn't reach for the tobaco , nor for the bottle..I try not to "fuss" to much.
Now I am learning take one day at a time and give without getting to the bottom of the bag called energy.
I have great respect for everyone going through any sort of terminal sickness, and also a great respect for their family and friends who do what they can.
Apart from this I have been a bit forgetful. You know what it's like. There are so many things you do everyday , you don't have to think any more , you can do all the routine things and keep your mind somewhere else.
Of course sometimes this goes wrong and accidents happen. In one morning I dropped the shopping bag before getting to the front door. Two pots of jam smashed..broken glass in the bread and meat!!. Next I knocked my cup of coffee
over with the remot. It was of course very hot. Afew days later I fell from two meters on to my lower back. Nothing brocken but damn sore.
So now I have turned off my automatic pilot, and teaching myself to use my brain. Yes it is still working. Stayng in the here and now is not always much fun these days but it is safer.
Of course the dogs are my biggest little helpers.
That's some of it , maybe I will be back before the year is over.....Over? No , it is just beging again. Spring is around the corner....